Sandwich Monday: 32-Layer Bean Dip

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Yup, those are waffles.

Don't show up to watch the BCS Championship Game tonight — or the Super Bowl in a few weeks — with your patented 7-layer bean dip. Odds are somebody else is going to show up with 8-layer dip, and you're going to look like a fool. Here's a recipe to make sure you win the Dip Arms Race.

32-Layer Bean Dip

Ingredients:

1 can refried beans

1 red onion

1 tomato

1 avocado

1 Hot Pocket

 

1/2 cup guacamole

1/4 cup barbecue sauce

1 tablespoon bread crumbs

1/4 cup roasted, salted peanuts

1/4 cup creamed corn

27 tater tots

2 frozen waffles

1/4 cup cheddar cheese, grated

1/4 cup Monterey Jack cheese, grated

1/4 cup mozzarella cheese, grated

1/4 cup taco cheese, grated (I don't know what this is but they had it at the store)

25 Cheez-Its

1/4 cup mashed potatoes

1/4 cup popcorn

8 Funyuns

20 Cheetos

9 potato chips

1/4 cup corn flakes

1 package 7-Layer Dip (this only counts as one layer)

1 tablespoon mayonnaise

1 tablespoon Sriracha

1 scrambled egg

1/4 cup marinara sauce

1 slice toast, toasted

1 tablespoon butter (not a layer, but dry toast would be gross)

1/2 cup macaroni and cheese

a pinch of salt

1/3 cup au gratin potatoes

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In the wild, the Hot Pocket Bird makes its nest entirely from Funyuns.

NPR In the wild, the Hot Pocket Bird makes its nest entirely from Funyuns.

Choose a large, clear bowl so everyone at the party can see what you're subjecting them to.

1. Prepare each individual ingredient according to its instructions. Tater tots should be baked, Hot Pocket should be microwaved, etc.

2. Spread the refried beans along the bottom of your bowl. After that, alternate between liquid and solid layers as best as possible.

3. Some layers will be uneven. Use leftover cheese to flatten them off, like Cheese Spackle.

4. Reconsider the creamed corn layer and add salsa instead.

5. Every 5 layers or so, use the bottom of a coffee mug to compress down all previous layers. Helpful hint: later, when you use this coffee mug again, try not to think about the 32-Layer Bean Dip or you'll get sick.

[The verdict: surprisingly tasty, though there is no tortilla chip long enough to scoop all 32 layers at once. It's also vegetarian, but keep in mind you may be creating a primordial soup from which future animals may emerge.]

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